Why is it so difficult to end relationship with a narcissist?

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This blog is my personal diary of my relationship with a narcissist. I hope my experiences help others who are dealing with similar issues in their relationship, related to narcissistic spouse, physical and emotional cheating, mistrust, insecurity, infidelity and emotional abuse. I will write to this blog on regular basis. Please feel free to comment on any of my writings, I would greatly appreciate all feedback.
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Narcissist has now left town again for 1-2 weeks. I feel actually very relieved... I feel like a child who is left home alone for couple days while parents go for holiday. Whole house just for me, no fear of shouting, no criticism, no arguments.... what a freedom!! Its of courtse sad that I feel like this, it just shows that this relationship no longer brings me any positive feeling... my wish for new year is that I will ahve enough strength to leave and when I do, not to look back. This I wish from all my heart.

I have been doing much thinking and will do some more now when narcissist is away. I have tried hard to change my "fixed" thought patterns... because that is the source of all problems, in a way my own brain is keeping me a prisoner: I have had this illusion of love, and I have so much wanted to hold on to it, almost at ANY cost... It takes a long time to change the way one thinks, but it can be done.
Another promise for this year is, that I concentrate to myself more, i will try to get to know myself better and find out what my wishes and dreams truly are (I know this kind of life is not what I wished for). And then I will try to pursue the life that I truly want. Life goes fast, another year went by so unexpectedly... I dont want to be sorry after tens of years, thinking that I "wasted" my life with narcissistic and mentally abusive man who might in the end leave me without any remorse, if he finds another "narcissistic supply", once I have "dried out"... There have already been signs which imply that narcissist has started to look for another woman, who would provide unconditional admiration and new excitement to him... I feel narcissist is little by little starting to feel bored in this relationship, since things are starting to be "routine". The excitement of the beginning of the relationship is gone.. and I think that was what kept narcissist "ticking"...

I dont want to be depressed, stressed and anxious for years to come because of the problems in (perhaps hopeless) relationship... So, I wish I will soon find a strength to leave!! I am feeling more hopeful now than for a long time... Dont know why, perhaps its effect of a new year... I try to start this new year with hopeful, curious and expecting feeling, hoping life will for change bring more pleasant surprises to my way..! :)

If you wish to view all my posts simultaneously on one page please click on title "surviving infidelity and cheating in bad relationship" at the top of this page. This way the latest post will be displayed on top of the page and oldest at the bottom.
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