Why am I missing narcissist?

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This blog is my personal diary of my relationship with a narcissist. I hope my experiences help others who are dealing with similar issues in their relationship, related to narcissistic spouse, physical and emotional cheating, mistrust, insecurity, infidelity and emotional abuse. I will write to this blog on regular basis. Please feel free to comment on any of my writings, I would greatly appreciate all feedback.
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It is interesting how there are ups and downs... Sometimes I feel I am really missing narcissist. I remember all the "good times" we had (we did have those too..), and I feel nostalgic. But then I also remember all the abuse and mental suffering narcissist put me through and my mind is filled with strong hatred towards him... This feeling gets worse at night, just before I go to sleep. Memories will come to my mind, all those times when narcissist was mocking me, shouting at me and mistreating me. Those moments I am so glad narcissist is not in this house with me!!!!

I realize now how twisted my relationship was. I took all those horrible things that happened as "normal", I did not realize that narcissist crossed the limit million times when it comes to respectable human behavior. Or I guess I did realize with some part of my brain, and that is why I was suffering, because i was in a place where I knew I should not be... But all that emerged so slowly (mocking, shouting, mistreating etc) that I did not somehow fully realize it before I was already in so deep that it was very difficult to get out. I am glad I finally started to see the light. Better late than never..!

If you wish to view all my posts simultaneously on one page please click on title "surviving infidelity and cheating in bad relationship" at the top of this page. This way the latest post will be displayed on top of the page and oldest at the bottom.

Narcissistic spouse and cheating

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This blog is my personal diary of my relationship with a narcissist. I hope my experiences help others who are dealing with similar issues in their relationship, related to narcissistic spouse, physical and emotional cheating, mistrust, insecurity, infidelity and emotional abuse. I will write to this blog on regular basis. Please feel free to comment on any of my writings, I would greatly appreciate all feedback.
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I have now been able to take a bit of distance from my narcissistic spouse. It has really helped me, even tho in the same time it has been very hard, since I still feel I am somehow mentally "attached" to my spouse.. But it is getting a bit better every day. I have been trying to occupy myself by doing different things, new things, things which I have not done before. I have made new friends and started some new hobbies. I have tried to walk outside and take care of my health the best I can. I have better days and then some worse days, but slowly I feel I am recovering after my relationship with narcissistic spouse...

Now after a bit of time has passed, I have started to realize how horrible my situation has been when I was living with narcissist. It seems amazing that I have been able to maintain my mental health... I guess I have been depressed during last year due to all mocking and mental abuse performed by my narcissistic spouse, without realizing my condition. I have been reading about experiences of others who are living with narcissistic spouse, and I am shocked how similar my experiences are. It feels good to know I am not alone.

My narcissistic spouse has almost destroyed my self-esteem... almost, but hopefully not completely. Painful emotions related to cheating are difficult enough to handle, and on top of that I have had this horrible stress caused by mental abuse. I wish nobody would have to go through what I have been going through... But I know there are many people in this world who are going through this at this very second. I wish that my experiences of living with a narcissist would help those people to see their situation more clearly and break free from abusive relationship before it is too late.


It is amazing how much one can put up with when one believes one is "in love"....

If you wish to view all my posts simultaneously on one page please click on title "surviving infidelity and cheating in bad relationship" at the top of this page. This way the latest post will be displayed on top of the page and oldest at the bottom.
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