Recovery after relationship to narcissist is pretty difficult...

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This blog is my personal diary of my relationship with a narcissist. I hope my experiences help others who are dealing with similar issues in their relationship, related to narcissistic spouse, physical and emotional cheating, mistrust, insecurity, infidelity and emotional abuse. I will write to this blog on regular basis. Please feel free to comment on any of my writings, I would greatly appreciate all feedback.
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I have not been writing for some time, sorry. I have tried to get my life back on track after my relationship with narcissist has come to an end. There are days when I feel better, then there are days when I feel worse. I have still been talking to narcissist, even tho I know it may not be wise. Some foolish part in me still seems to wish that somehow things could magically be the way they were in the beginning of this relationship. I guess I really made myself addicted to narcissist at that time... I created my own "dream image" of narcissist before I even got to know him properly, and I have been cherishing that dream image all these years... now I am really starting to feel withdrawal symptoms, and it is sometimes painful.

But I feel I am starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel. I realize now that my feeling of longing and hopes that we could be happily together are not my true hopes and wishes. Even if I could be together with narcissist, and even if narcissist would magically change his manners (which I know narcissist is not capable of), I know I could never forget the things he has done to me. I will try to think of my feelings of "longing" and "missing" as addiction, that I must fight against. I know it is a bad kind of addiction and it is not good for me, it is similar thing that addiction to drugs. I can imagine that getting rid of addiction to drugs is probably just as hard as this. This kind of attitude helps me to deal with situation better... if I think that this is simply something "mechanical" in my brain, something very natural, and something that will pass when narcissist is out of my life...

So, I will try to live one day at the time. There are moments when I feel so hopeless I cannot describe it with words. But I am trying to remind myself that it is only the withdrawal symptoms after my relationship with narcissist, which are causing my feeling, I am not REALLY missing narcissist...

If you wish to view all my posts simultaneously on one page please click on title "surviving infidelity and cheating in bad relationship" at the top of this page. This way the latest post will be displayed on top of the page and oldest at the bottom.
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