The secret of happiness: lets not compare ourselves to others around us. Its so natural for human being to do that, but once we realize we dont really HAVE TO do it, its like opening the door into another world...!
If you wish to view all my posts simultaneously on one page please click on title "surviving infidelity and cheating in bad relationship" at the top of this page. This way the latest post will be displayed on top of the page and oldest at the bottom.
____________________________
Friday, October 31, 2008
Innocence lost to narcissistic spouse
My narcissistic spouse has been out of town for some time now, due to his work, he is returning after one week. In a way I feel its good to have my privacy for a while, to organize my thoughts... I have been doing so much thinking during last couple weeks. I have started to realize that no matter what will happen to this relationship, even if we could somehow stay together and magically work out all these problems, I can never get back the innocence I had in the beginning of this relationship.. :(.
Before this man, I never, ever had trust issues in my relationships. Somehow I was spared from that stuff until now. So, in a way I have been living in an innocent world of a child, where all feelings, including love, are pure... its such a horrible feeling, when you cannot trust someone you love, it has been hard lesson for me to learn.
When I first got to know my narcissistic spouse, I was so much in love with him it was simply overwhelming. I felt he loved me too, and that made my feelings even stronger, typical positive feed-back loop, familiar to so many. We wrote loving emails to each other, called all the time long phone calls, expressed our emotions to each other all the time, felt so good and excited about the idea of sharing future together... At one point we moved to live together, I remember how happy I was when we went to buy some new furniture for our new home. I wasnt happy because of the new furniture, I was happy because I was there looking for them WITH HIM, for our HOME that we shared...you know what I mean, right? You have been there, those first exciting months/ years of relationship when love seems to be all around...
Then something changed, so slowly that I didnt even realize it until after long time had passed. At some point he stopped writing loving emails to me. I still continued, but his responses were short, so in time I stopped doing that too. Also all these arguments started to be more frequent. During first arguments, I was so shocked, I became mental wreck, I just could not face it that my man who I loved so much and who I thought loved me was able to shout to me all those horrible things he did... when he was angry, he could say to me that he no longer loved me and that I was a horrible, unpleasant person, that he wanted me to get the hell out of his life etc.. he was insulting me in so many ways... but then when his anger passed, perhaps after couple days, he could say that he did feel good about me, despite all the arguments, and wanted to stay together and try his best to make it work. So, one day he was showing red light for our relationship ("I dont love you, dont want to be with you" etc), another day he would show green light ("I love you, you are the best woman for me" etc).
I felt like a total mess, I felt I could not build my plans of future with this person, since I could not be sure that he was going to stick with me... this led to feelings of incompetence and insecurity, uncertainty about future etc, and all that lead to great unhappiness and feelings of depression... and that is about the point where I stand now.
I feel that no matter what I do or what my narcissistic spouse does, I cannot get back my loving feeling towards him. There are moments when I feel good and happy and I can think about my narcissistic spouse with warm feelings, but that can all change in a blink of an eye: If a memory of some impolite thing he has done to me surfaces unexpectedly, I feel literally sick in my stomach, physical pain and bottomless sadness... for example if I suddenly remember narcissist doing something improper with some woman (sleeping in same bed with a woman after drinking with her and claiming that nothing happened, or something similar..), I instantly become sad. And those memories can pop up at unexpected times, like in the middle of the dinner with my spouse, and then my mood is spoiled...
I have tried to analyze why this happens, and I think I know why: Before any problems existed, I could say to myself "my spouse really loves me, from all his heart", and that thought gave me such a pleasure, because I loved my spouse so much and when you love somebody, its like taking some drug when you think that the person loves you back, your brain is releasing all those pleasure substances, lifting you above the clouds... you know what i mean.
But now, after all the arguments, after all the shouting and insults from his part, I no longer can say to myself that my spouse loves me "purely". I feel I would be fool if I believed that at this point, so I just cannot make myself to believe he truly cares for me as much as I used to think before... and as a consequence, I feel as if "something has been taken away from me", even tho I never really literally had that something... The sadness I experience is simply grief due to this loss, and mourning something always takes time...
My narcissistic spouse has said to me many times that he does not love me. I have never said this to him, not a single time. Even if there is an argument, I am never saying anything mean to my spouse, I merely try to defend myself against his horrible accusations. I never attack back. I feel that if I love somebody, I could never intentionally hurt and insult that person, least of all say that I dont love him, which is the worst thing one can hear if one is in love...
I never do those things, but he has no problem doing them. So, my illusions of "pure love" between us have been taken away, forever. And that is what I mean when I said in the beginning of this message, that I feel I have lost the innocence at list when it comes to this relationship, that things can never be the same again, even if my narcissistic spouse would change completely and never insult me again... the memories will always stay with me. However, they dont have to hount me. If I stay with my spouse, our life together will be different, even if things will improve. Different does not necessarily mean worse. But only time will tell how things will go...
Perhaps its good that these things happened, this has really made me grow as a human being... as I said, before I have never faced any trust issues in relationship. This has forced me to grow stronger, more independent... I have started to realize, that my happiness cannot be dependent on anyone else, I am the center piece of my life, even if my man does not love me its not the end of the world, then I just move on... and even if I will not find someone I can love and who loves me back, that cannot prevent me from being happy! We create our own happiness, I can decide what is happy life for me. I dont have to be dependent on anyone, least of all of someone who is making me feel depressed and unhappy and who does not seem to respect me...
Its so helpful to be able to write down my thoughts here! I will get back soon :)
If you wish to view all my posts simultaneously on one page please click on title "surviving infidelity and cheating in bad relationship" at the top of this page. This way the latest post will be displayed on top of the page and oldest at the bottom.
___________________________
Before this man, I never, ever had trust issues in my relationships. Somehow I was spared from that stuff until now. So, in a way I have been living in an innocent world of a child, where all feelings, including love, are pure... its such a horrible feeling, when you cannot trust someone you love, it has been hard lesson for me to learn.
When I first got to know my narcissistic spouse, I was so much in love with him it was simply overwhelming. I felt he loved me too, and that made my feelings even stronger, typical positive feed-back loop, familiar to so many. We wrote loving emails to each other, called all the time long phone calls, expressed our emotions to each other all the time, felt so good and excited about the idea of sharing future together... At one point we moved to live together, I remember how happy I was when we went to buy some new furniture for our new home. I wasnt happy because of the new furniture, I was happy because I was there looking for them WITH HIM, for our HOME that we shared...you know what I mean, right? You have been there, those first exciting months/ years of relationship when love seems to be all around...
Then something changed, so slowly that I didnt even realize it until after long time had passed. At some point he stopped writing loving emails to me. I still continued, but his responses were short, so in time I stopped doing that too. Also all these arguments started to be more frequent. During first arguments, I was so shocked, I became mental wreck, I just could not face it that my man who I loved so much and who I thought loved me was able to shout to me all those horrible things he did... when he was angry, he could say to me that he no longer loved me and that I was a horrible, unpleasant person, that he wanted me to get the hell out of his life etc.. he was insulting me in so many ways... but then when his anger passed, perhaps after couple days, he could say that he did feel good about me, despite all the arguments, and wanted to stay together and try his best to make it work. So, one day he was showing red light for our relationship ("I dont love you, dont want to be with you" etc), another day he would show green light ("I love you, you are the best woman for me" etc).
I felt like a total mess, I felt I could not build my plans of future with this person, since I could not be sure that he was going to stick with me... this led to feelings of incompetence and insecurity, uncertainty about future etc, and all that lead to great unhappiness and feelings of depression... and that is about the point where I stand now.
I feel that no matter what I do or what my narcissistic spouse does, I cannot get back my loving feeling towards him. There are moments when I feel good and happy and I can think about my narcissistic spouse with warm feelings, but that can all change in a blink of an eye: If a memory of some impolite thing he has done to me surfaces unexpectedly, I feel literally sick in my stomach, physical pain and bottomless sadness... for example if I suddenly remember narcissist doing something improper with some woman (sleeping in same bed with a woman after drinking with her and claiming that nothing happened, or something similar..), I instantly become sad. And those memories can pop up at unexpected times, like in the middle of the dinner with my spouse, and then my mood is spoiled...
I have tried to analyze why this happens, and I think I know why: Before any problems existed, I could say to myself "my spouse really loves me, from all his heart", and that thought gave me such a pleasure, because I loved my spouse so much and when you love somebody, its like taking some drug when you think that the person loves you back, your brain is releasing all those pleasure substances, lifting you above the clouds... you know what i mean.
But now, after all the arguments, after all the shouting and insults from his part, I no longer can say to myself that my spouse loves me "purely". I feel I would be fool if I believed that at this point, so I just cannot make myself to believe he truly cares for me as much as I used to think before... and as a consequence, I feel as if "something has been taken away from me", even tho I never really literally had that something... The sadness I experience is simply grief due to this loss, and mourning something always takes time...
My narcissistic spouse has said to me many times that he does not love me. I have never said this to him, not a single time. Even if there is an argument, I am never saying anything mean to my spouse, I merely try to defend myself against his horrible accusations. I never attack back. I feel that if I love somebody, I could never intentionally hurt and insult that person, least of all say that I dont love him, which is the worst thing one can hear if one is in love...
I never do those things, but he has no problem doing them. So, my illusions of "pure love" between us have been taken away, forever. And that is what I mean when I said in the beginning of this message, that I feel I have lost the innocence at list when it comes to this relationship, that things can never be the same again, even if my narcissistic spouse would change completely and never insult me again... the memories will always stay with me. However, they dont have to hount me. If I stay with my spouse, our life together will be different, even if things will improve. Different does not necessarily mean worse. But only time will tell how things will go...
Perhaps its good that these things happened, this has really made me grow as a human being... as I said, before I have never faced any trust issues in relationship. This has forced me to grow stronger, more independent... I have started to realize, that my happiness cannot be dependent on anyone else, I am the center piece of my life, even if my man does not love me its not the end of the world, then I just move on... and even if I will not find someone I can love and who loves me back, that cannot prevent me from being happy! We create our own happiness, I can decide what is happy life for me. I dont have to be dependent on anyone, least of all of someone who is making me feel depressed and unhappy and who does not seem to respect me...
Its so helpful to be able to write down my thoughts here! I will get back soon :)
If you wish to view all my posts simultaneously on one page please click on title "surviving infidelity and cheating in bad relationship" at the top of this page. This way the latest post will be displayed on top of the page and oldest at the bottom.
___________________________
Thursday, October 30, 2008
More thoughts about narcissism
Today I had in a way sad and in a way happy day. I felt calm, I was able to get some good things done at work, and generally I didnt feel very depressed... I have felt depressed due to this relationship with my narcissistic spouse for about a year now. It has happened gradually, only now when I look back I realize how bad I have felt because of our problems. Feels like light has slowly disappeared from my life, I have become a sad woman, I no longer get enjoyment out of those things which used to bring me joy. All these things are warning signs which should be taken extremely seriously, I know.
The problems with my narcissistic spouse started about one year ago, when first issues of other women came up. I have not caught narcissist literally cheating, but he has had emotional affairs, which have insulted me very much. Also there have been some incidents which I am sure would have made some people think that something physical has happened...
For example narcissist has been sleeping in same bed with another woman, after going out and drinking with this woman (narcissist of course claims that nothing happened), and also he has been getting couple new female friends during last year, with whom he has been going to bars etc. Also narcissist has admitted that something "half-romantic" happened with one of these women, but he claims that he is not interested in her. Anyways, I feel his behavior towards me has been pretty impolite in many ways, these were just some examples. Why, then have I stayed with my narcissistic spouse? Well, he claims that he is not looking for another woman, that he is not even thinking about it, that he wants to try his best to make our relationship to work, that he cares about me.... and up to this point I have always tried to believe him, until next horrible argument has emerged, leaving me with hopeless, empty feeling...
There are also other reasons why I have stayed this long with my narcissistic spouse, trying my best to make it work... biggest reason of course is that I feel I am still emotionally attached to my narcissistic spouse. But I have started to realize that it is not really narcissist to whom I am attached, but merely to an image of him, which I created before I even got to know him well. Now narcissist has shown his true face to me, and he is not the kind of person I thoughts he was. But letting go of my ideal image of narcissist is very hard... its hard for human being to admit "ok, I was wrong, I failed, I could not reach this person and make him realize how wonderful thing he had going with me, and that he blew it up with his ignorance, and that its so sad, because it didnt have to happen"... I guess that is the reason why people stay in horrible, abusive relationships.
My narcissistic spouse is not violent (not really violent), but he is definitely mentally abusive person, so in a way this situation is comparable with those relationships where there is violence... for some reason it is so hard to leave, even tho one knows its not good to stay. But after leaving an abusive relationship, I have never heard anyone say they regret they left, not a single person. Only thing everyone seem to regret is that they did not leave sooner... thats something to think about.
Of course there are also good times, and good sides in my spouse. I like some aspects in him very much. Of course, why else would I still be with him..! But I dont know if this is enough to keep relationship going... sometimes love is just not enough, it does not matter how much you love someone, some people just cannot live together... I have started to think perhaps we are one of those couples. But I dont know how this is going to end, because I seem to be too weak to walk away at this point.. perhaps more time, and more arguments will make me stronger. It remains to be seen...
Ps. I found this great website dealing with narcissism, take a look if you suspect your partner could be a narcissist:
thepsychopath.freeforums.org
If you wish to view all my posts simultaneously on one page please click on title "surviving infidelity and cheating in bad relationship" at the top of this page. This way the latest post will be displayed on top of the page and oldest at the bottom.
_____________________________
The problems with my narcissistic spouse started about one year ago, when first issues of other women came up. I have not caught narcissist literally cheating, but he has had emotional affairs, which have insulted me very much. Also there have been some incidents which I am sure would have made some people think that something physical has happened...
For example narcissist has been sleeping in same bed with another woman, after going out and drinking with this woman (narcissist of course claims that nothing happened), and also he has been getting couple new female friends during last year, with whom he has been going to bars etc. Also narcissist has admitted that something "half-romantic" happened with one of these women, but he claims that he is not interested in her. Anyways, I feel his behavior towards me has been pretty impolite in many ways, these were just some examples. Why, then have I stayed with my narcissistic spouse? Well, he claims that he is not looking for another woman, that he is not even thinking about it, that he wants to try his best to make our relationship to work, that he cares about me.... and up to this point I have always tried to believe him, until next horrible argument has emerged, leaving me with hopeless, empty feeling...
There are also other reasons why I have stayed this long with my narcissistic spouse, trying my best to make it work... biggest reason of course is that I feel I am still emotionally attached to my narcissistic spouse. But I have started to realize that it is not really narcissist to whom I am attached, but merely to an image of him, which I created before I even got to know him well. Now narcissist has shown his true face to me, and he is not the kind of person I thoughts he was. But letting go of my ideal image of narcissist is very hard... its hard for human being to admit "ok, I was wrong, I failed, I could not reach this person and make him realize how wonderful thing he had going with me, and that he blew it up with his ignorance, and that its so sad, because it didnt have to happen"... I guess that is the reason why people stay in horrible, abusive relationships.
My narcissistic spouse is not violent (not really violent), but he is definitely mentally abusive person, so in a way this situation is comparable with those relationships where there is violence... for some reason it is so hard to leave, even tho one knows its not good to stay. But after leaving an abusive relationship, I have never heard anyone say they regret they left, not a single person. Only thing everyone seem to regret is that they did not leave sooner... thats something to think about.
Of course there are also good times, and good sides in my spouse. I like some aspects in him very much. Of course, why else would I still be with him..! But I dont know if this is enough to keep relationship going... sometimes love is just not enough, it does not matter how much you love someone, some people just cannot live together... I have started to think perhaps we are one of those couples. But I dont know how this is going to end, because I seem to be too weak to walk away at this point.. perhaps more time, and more arguments will make me stronger. It remains to be seen...
Ps. I found this great website dealing with narcissism, take a look if you suspect your partner could be a narcissist:
thepsychopath.freeforums.org
If you wish to view all my posts simultaneously on one page please click on title "surviving infidelity and cheating in bad relationship" at the top of this page. This way the latest post will be displayed on top of the page and oldest at the bottom.
_____________________________
Tuesday, October 28, 2008
Thoughts about narcissism
Ok, it has been a while since I have been writing here. Many things have happened... I have kept a diary all this time when we have been together with this man, and I was just reading it on one day. I was shocked. If I read that diary as an outsider, I just simply could not understand why this woman is hanging with this guy, why isnt she leaving him. Reading about his anger and small, insignificant things which triggered that anger almost made me laugh at some points. I guess that is a good sign... :)
I have been reading a lot about narcissism lately, and even tho I know I am in no position to make a diagnosis (not a doctor), I still strongly believe that this person has LOTS of narcissist features in him... Here are just some examples:
- He hardly ever asks about my life when we talk on the phone, if we have not seen for a long time. He is either talking about himself, or then he is quiet. If I dont say anything for a while, there is silence. Then maybe he says something, but most likely I will try to keep conversation alive by asking something about his life, then he can again talk about himself.
- His episodes of extreme anger ("anger attacks") seem to be often related to the fact that he feels I have somehow questioned his knowledge or capability. For example if I say "dont worry about that" if he has told me about some problem in his life, he can get very upset, even start shouting, saying that I dont know him at all if I think he is "worrying" about something. "Worrying" to him is equal to "being afraid", and he never, ever can admit of being afraid of anything.
- He does not react to tears. If his shouting has made me cry, it only seems to aggravate his rage. If I try to defend myself verbally, he says "dont try to defend your behavior, you dont need to try to justify yourself", in very impolite manner.
- He can never see anything wrong in his own behavior. Everything is always my fault, due to my personality, which makes him act like that towards me. He claims that he is a good-hearted person, but that I bring out all these bad sides in him... (if this is true, why is he still sticking with me? He is free to go anytime, but he hasnt left... I believe its because he has nothing "better" in sight at this moment, but if he one day has, he will not hesitate to go. Another typical feature for a narcissist.... always looking for provider of "narcissist supply", and so far it has been me...
- He is always talking about how much other people appreciate him. He has been helping some people in his work and he can say things like ""that guy will never forget what I did for him, he will always remember it and appreciate it" etc. Or if he has invited some people out to dinner, he can say "those people really liked me and appreciated what I did for them"... If I was in similar situation, even if I feel that someone has appreciated my actions, I dont feel comfortable talking about it out loud that way... almost like bragging... feels like he needs so much admiration and appreciation from others, that he needs to say those things out loud to make it more "true" for himself, perhaps. Another narcissist trait, I guess...
- He often says "I can feel that you love me extremely much", or "I am so happy that you love me so much" or "you seem to love me like crazy"... he does not say often "I love you". Somehow he seems to get pleasure out of the thought that I love him "like crazy", that boosts his self-esteem...
- There are many more examples, I will write them down later.
I will start to write to this blog more regularly, keep this as my new "diary", so that I can see these sorts of patterns of behavior more clearly... I feel I am now further down this path of breaking free, I am slowly getting there, eventually I know I can let go of him... but I dont want to leave yet, I dont want to go through stress and depression of moving out at this moment (too many important things going on at work etc... they cannot fail. I dont want to let him ruin those things too for me), I dont want to miss him like crazy if I leave now... I want to slowly start to see him as he is, and to realize that I dont have to miss him, once I leave... now I feel I would still miss him very much. I am going to collect these strange features of his into this diary, and by reading this I see him as he really is, definitely not a person worth missing...
Its almost funny, that human mind is sometimes so "weak", that I dont seem to be able to just simply leave, even tho he has shown in so many ways that he does not respect me, most likely does not love me etc... I am "addicted" to my own illusion, image which I created of him before I truly got to know him... I saw him as this charming, caring, polite person... but now I have started to see behind the curtain, to see the ugly side in him, the unemotional, cold, cruel, even slightly sadistic side.
I say sadistic, because I have started to think that perhaps he is getting some sort of twisted pleasure out of being cruel to me. One time I was talking with him via webcam, when he was out of town because of his work, and he was shouting again to me like crazy about something insignificant. I had my webcam off, and I think he did not remember that his was on... I was looking at his face when he was shouting (he wasnt looking at the camera, but looked like a person who thinks he is alone, nobody watching him), and I could swear I saw a trace of smile on his face. Of course it could have been a grimace, due to anger, but it sure looked like a smile to me... that was pretty scary. I felt as if I did not know that person at all...
Ps. I just read what I wrote above and I feel like yes, I am definitely close to being able to break free...! This is not the life I want for me for years to come. I want to feel happy and loved, not depressed and sad... I hope my writings could help others struggling with similar issues, trying to break free from bad relationship, but having hard time doing it... Warm hugs to all of you! It helps to know we are not alone in this :)
It has really helped me to read stories of others in similar situation from various discussion forums. Here are couple good ones if you want to take a look:
thepsychopath.freeforums.org
psychforums.com
curezone.com
divorcesupport.com
If you wish to view all my posts simultaneously on one page please click on title "surviving infidelity and cheating in bad relationship" at the top of this page. This way the latest post will be displayed on top of the page and oldest at the bottom.
_________________________
I have been reading a lot about narcissism lately, and even tho I know I am in no position to make a diagnosis (not a doctor), I still strongly believe that this person has LOTS of narcissist features in him... Here are just some examples:
- He hardly ever asks about my life when we talk on the phone, if we have not seen for a long time. He is either talking about himself, or then he is quiet. If I dont say anything for a while, there is silence. Then maybe he says something, but most likely I will try to keep conversation alive by asking something about his life, then he can again talk about himself.
- His episodes of extreme anger ("anger attacks") seem to be often related to the fact that he feels I have somehow questioned his knowledge or capability. For example if I say "dont worry about that" if he has told me about some problem in his life, he can get very upset, even start shouting, saying that I dont know him at all if I think he is "worrying" about something. "Worrying" to him is equal to "being afraid", and he never, ever can admit of being afraid of anything.
- He does not react to tears. If his shouting has made me cry, it only seems to aggravate his rage. If I try to defend myself verbally, he says "dont try to defend your behavior, you dont need to try to justify yourself", in very impolite manner.
- He can never see anything wrong in his own behavior. Everything is always my fault, due to my personality, which makes him act like that towards me. He claims that he is a good-hearted person, but that I bring out all these bad sides in him... (if this is true, why is he still sticking with me? He is free to go anytime, but he hasnt left... I believe its because he has nothing "better" in sight at this moment, but if he one day has, he will not hesitate to go. Another typical feature for a narcissist.... always looking for provider of "narcissist supply", and so far it has been me...
- He is always talking about how much other people appreciate him. He has been helping some people in his work and he can say things like ""that guy will never forget what I did for him, he will always remember it and appreciate it" etc. Or if he has invited some people out to dinner, he can say "those people really liked me and appreciated what I did for them"... If I was in similar situation, even if I feel that someone has appreciated my actions, I dont feel comfortable talking about it out loud that way... almost like bragging... feels like he needs so much admiration and appreciation from others, that he needs to say those things out loud to make it more "true" for himself, perhaps. Another narcissist trait, I guess...
- He often says "I can feel that you love me extremely much", or "I am so happy that you love me so much" or "you seem to love me like crazy"... he does not say often "I love you". Somehow he seems to get pleasure out of the thought that I love him "like crazy", that boosts his self-esteem...
- There are many more examples, I will write them down later.
I will start to write to this blog more regularly, keep this as my new "diary", so that I can see these sorts of patterns of behavior more clearly... I feel I am now further down this path of breaking free, I am slowly getting there, eventually I know I can let go of him... but I dont want to leave yet, I dont want to go through stress and depression of moving out at this moment (too many important things going on at work etc... they cannot fail. I dont want to let him ruin those things too for me), I dont want to miss him like crazy if I leave now... I want to slowly start to see him as he is, and to realize that I dont have to miss him, once I leave... now I feel I would still miss him very much. I am going to collect these strange features of his into this diary, and by reading this I see him as he really is, definitely not a person worth missing...
Its almost funny, that human mind is sometimes so "weak", that I dont seem to be able to just simply leave, even tho he has shown in so many ways that he does not respect me, most likely does not love me etc... I am "addicted" to my own illusion, image which I created of him before I truly got to know him... I saw him as this charming, caring, polite person... but now I have started to see behind the curtain, to see the ugly side in him, the unemotional, cold, cruel, even slightly sadistic side.
I say sadistic, because I have started to think that perhaps he is getting some sort of twisted pleasure out of being cruel to me. One time I was talking with him via webcam, when he was out of town because of his work, and he was shouting again to me like crazy about something insignificant. I had my webcam off, and I think he did not remember that his was on... I was looking at his face when he was shouting (he wasnt looking at the camera, but looked like a person who thinks he is alone, nobody watching him), and I could swear I saw a trace of smile on his face. Of course it could have been a grimace, due to anger, but it sure looked like a smile to me... that was pretty scary. I felt as if I did not know that person at all...
Ps. I just read what I wrote above and I feel like yes, I am definitely close to being able to break free...! This is not the life I want for me for years to come. I want to feel happy and loved, not depressed and sad... I hope my writings could help others struggling with similar issues, trying to break free from bad relationship, but having hard time doing it... Warm hugs to all of you! It helps to know we are not alone in this :)
It has really helped me to read stories of others in similar situation from various discussion forums. Here are couple good ones if you want to take a look:
thepsychopath.freeforums.org
psychforums.com
curezone.com
divorcesupport.com
If you wish to view all my posts simultaneously on one page please click on title "surviving infidelity and cheating in bad relationship" at the top of this page. This way the latest post will be displayed on top of the page and oldest at the bottom.
_________________________
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