Mental recovery after relationship with narcissist

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This blog is my personal diary of my relationship with a narcissist. I hope my experiences help others who are dealing with similar issues in their relationship, related to narcissistic spouse, physical and emotional cheating, mistrust, insecurity, infidelity and emotional abuse. I will write to this blog on regular basis. Please feel free to comment on any of my writings, I would greatly appreciate all feedback.
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Aargh, I feel I am sliding back towards narcissist again... We have spent long time apart with my narcissistic spouse and I was doing just fine. I started to recover and forget the mental abuse, lying, cheating and all those things which made me want to leave narcissist.

But recently I find myself missing narcissist more and more... I guess that is natural and I should just fight this feeling and stay away from narcissist, but it is hard. I cannot understand why I would want to stay with person who is treating me so badly in relationship. I guess it is those "mental hooks" which are keeping me attached to narcissist... I wish I could recover fully and forget all the insults, mocking and bad feelings, I wish I would not have this desire to stay with my narcissistic spouse. It takes so much time for mind to heal after years of mental abuse, narcissist was present in my life for so long that he became literally part of my life and now I feel my life is in a way emptier without narcissist. I am hoping to stay strong... I wish I could press a magical button which would make me forget my narcissistic spouse ever existed :(

It is incredible how difficult it can be to get rid of narcissist, to heal the mind and to recover. But I am going to try my best to do it.
I wish I can stay strong and to "brainwash" myself to realize that my life without my narcissistic spouse is so much happier without all that mental abuse, criticism, mocking, lying, cheating and betrayal... Next few weeks will be crucial. I wish I can stay focused and keep my head and ignore the attempts of my narcissistic spouse to assure me he has changed. Sadly, I know now that narcissist can never change.

If you wish to view all my posts simultaneously on one page please click on title "surviving infidelity and cheating in bad relationship" at the top of this page. This way the latest post will be displayed on top of the page and oldest at the bottom.
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