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This blog is my personal diary of my relationship with a narcissist. I hope my experiences help others who are dealing with similar issues in their relationship, related to narcissistic spouse, physical and emotional cheating, mistrust, insecurity, infidelity and emotional abuse. I will write to this blog on regular basis. Please feel free to comment on any of my writings, I would greatly appreciate all feedback.
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Thanks for your comment, anonymous, of course I know you are right... I guess I simply have been trying to avoid the inevitable.... actually I have already started to look for apartment, just little by little... If we were not living together, this would be so much easier. Now I feel that because of break-up, so many changes will happen in my life at the same time, 1) I will lose a person who I have despite everything cared for very much, and I know it takes time before I can really feel happy again 2) I must leave my home. Of course I am not staying in this relationship only so that I would not have to go through trouble of moving, but it is one element which makes the decision harder... because I feel I have invested so much into this relationship (in every way, mentally, financially etc), and it does not feel nice to admit to myself that I have, well, "failed"... But of course I know that those are not right reasons to stay in relationship, if it simply is not working.
I guess these things (when is the right time to leave) always take time to sink in. But yes, I have been reading my own writings and I do realize how bad this situation seems... As I have said earlier, there are also good sides in this person, but I have not been writing about them much, because I have only wanted to process negative feelings to help myself... (and writing here has indeed helped me very much!). Those "good sides" in him have kept me in this relationship this long... if he was a monster 24/7, I would have left much earlier... But because he can be also very pleasant if he wants to, it has made it more difficult for me to leave.
But I do know these sorts of problems that we have should not exist in a relationship. Even tho I can make my pain go away and become indifferent towards him, that kind of state of being is nowhere near true happiness, whatever that is. I feel I have really become indifferent towards narcissist, I feel I no longer care about what he does. I simply dont feel much of anything anymore, even when I think of narcissist possibly cheating on me, it simply does not hurt anymore. I guess it means my feelings towards narcissist have really gone down... as I hoped they would!
By the way, my "strategy" actually did have an effect on narcissist... pretty interesting effect. I will write about it in more detail a bit later!
If you wish to view all my posts simultaneously on one page please click on title "surviving infidelity and cheating in bad relationship" at the top of this page. This way the latest post will be displayed on top of the page and oldest at the bottom.
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Saturday, December 27, 2008
Thursday, December 25, 2008
New strategy to deal with narcissist spouse
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This blog is my personal diary of my relationship with a narcissist. I hope my experiences help others who are dealing with similar issues in their relationship, related to narcissistic spouse, physical and emotional cheating, mistrust, insecurity, infidelity and emotional abuse. I will write to this blog on regular basis. Please feel free to comment on any of my writings, I would greatly appreciate all feedback.
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I have decided to try a new approach to deal with my narcissistic spouse... At this moment I feel that there is so little hope for us, that I can actually do a bit of "experimenting", just to see how it works, out of curiosity of how narcissist will react... Perhaps this "experiment" will provide useful peace of information for others, who are in similar situation in their relationship. My strategy is this:
I am going to stop trying to make narcissist understand me and my point of view. I am going to be friendly, but in the same time indifferent towards narcissist and his actions. I am going to distance myself from narcissist. I will tell narcissist that I need a bit of space in relationship, and sleep couple nights in different room, and definitely not having any sex with him. The reason for "no sex" is not revenge or anything like that, I simply feel right now so disgusted thinking of making "love" to this man... I dont want him to touch me that way, thought of it makes me feel sick in my stomach... I am going to detach myself from narcissist emotionally, not getting upset, not reacting when he tries to argue, not anymore caring so much about his doings... but I shall not be impolite, since that would only make narcissist angry, which is nothing new to me. Now I want to see how narcissist reacts in "new" situations. I will simply be very neutral.
Lets see how narcissist reacts to this... will he lose all interest in me, if I no longer react to him the way he hopes (get emotional, tell narcissist that I wish we could make things work, tell him I care for him etc)? Will narcissist realize that something is not right and would he try to do something about it? Perhaps narcissist just simply leaves me if he thinks I lost all interest in him... if it happens, so be it. I am taking that risk, I no longer care if narcissist goes or stays. My love towards him has all but died.... I wish it dies completely soon, that would make everything so much easier for me. Lets see what happens with this my new strategy...
Has anyone ever tried this kind of strategy towards a narcissist, and what kind of effect it had, if any? Do you believe that this kind of approach could actually change anything? Or could it make matters much worse? As I said, I am not going to be impolite towards narcissist, just a bit distant and very neutral... How do you think a narcissist will react to this kind of change in behavior?
I will keep you informed of how things go!
If you wish to view all my posts simultaneously on one page please click on title "surviving infidelity and cheating in bad relationship" at the top of this page. This way the latest post will be displayed on top of the page and oldest at the bottom.
______________________________
This blog is my personal diary of my relationship with a narcissist. I hope my experiences help others who are dealing with similar issues in their relationship, related to narcissistic spouse, physical and emotional cheating, mistrust, insecurity, infidelity and emotional abuse. I will write to this blog on regular basis. Please feel free to comment on any of my writings, I would greatly appreciate all feedback.
______________________________
I have decided to try a new approach to deal with my narcissistic spouse... At this moment I feel that there is so little hope for us, that I can actually do a bit of "experimenting", just to see how it works, out of curiosity of how narcissist will react... Perhaps this "experiment" will provide useful peace of information for others, who are in similar situation in their relationship. My strategy is this:
I am going to stop trying to make narcissist understand me and my point of view. I am going to be friendly, but in the same time indifferent towards narcissist and his actions. I am going to distance myself from narcissist. I will tell narcissist that I need a bit of space in relationship, and sleep couple nights in different room, and definitely not having any sex with him. The reason for "no sex" is not revenge or anything like that, I simply feel right now so disgusted thinking of making "love" to this man... I dont want him to touch me that way, thought of it makes me feel sick in my stomach... I am going to detach myself from narcissist emotionally, not getting upset, not reacting when he tries to argue, not anymore caring so much about his doings... but I shall not be impolite, since that would only make narcissist angry, which is nothing new to me. Now I want to see how narcissist reacts in "new" situations. I will simply be very neutral.
Lets see how narcissist reacts to this... will he lose all interest in me, if I no longer react to him the way he hopes (get emotional, tell narcissist that I wish we could make things work, tell him I care for him etc)? Will narcissist realize that something is not right and would he try to do something about it? Perhaps narcissist just simply leaves me if he thinks I lost all interest in him... if it happens, so be it. I am taking that risk, I no longer care if narcissist goes or stays. My love towards him has all but died.... I wish it dies completely soon, that would make everything so much easier for me. Lets see what happens with this my new strategy...
Has anyone ever tried this kind of strategy towards a narcissist, and what kind of effect it had, if any? Do you believe that this kind of approach could actually change anything? Or could it make matters much worse? As I said, I am not going to be impolite towards narcissist, just a bit distant and very neutral... How do you think a narcissist will react to this kind of change in behavior?
I will keep you informed of how things go!
If you wish to view all my posts simultaneously on one page please click on title "surviving infidelity and cheating in bad relationship" at the top of this page. This way the latest post will be displayed on top of the page and oldest at the bottom.
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Wednesday, December 24, 2008
Merry Christmas!! :)
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This blog is my personal diary of my relationship with a narcissist. I hope my experiences help others who are dealing with similar issues in their relationship, related to narcissistic spouse, physical and emotional cheating, mistrust, insecurity, infidelity and emotional abuse. I will write to this blog on regular basis. Please feel free to comment on any of my writings, I would greatly appreciate all feedback.
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Merry Christmas for everybody!!!! This year has been the most difficult year of my life, as I imagine you can see from this diary... but as they say, what does not kill you, makes you stronger! I am strangely hopeful about next year, I have a feeling that my life will change direction. I am starting to be so tired of this mental stress (and I am so fed up with my narcissistic spouse, to tell you the truth..). Human can only take so much. Some decisions have to be made this spring. I hope I will be stronger next year... I will get back soon with more updates! My narcissistic spouse has been again out of town for a while, but now he is back again. Lets see how things will go regarding those matters I described below in my previous entries...
Big hugs for everyone who is reading this! And thanks to all of you SO MUCH for your supportive and encouraging comments, they have really helped me and made me feel better! And for all those who are in similar situation as I am: You are not alone! Lets make year 2009 better than last year!
If you wish to view all my posts simultaneously on one page please click on title "surviving infidelity and cheating in bad relationship" at the top of this page. This way the latest post will be displayed on top of the page and oldest at the bottom.
This blog is my personal diary of my relationship with a narcissist. I hope my experiences help others who are dealing with similar issues in their relationship, related to narcissistic spouse, physical and emotional cheating, mistrust, insecurity, infidelity and emotional abuse. I will write to this blog on regular basis. Please feel free to comment on any of my writings, I would greatly appreciate all feedback.
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Merry Christmas for everybody!!!! This year has been the most difficult year of my life, as I imagine you can see from this diary... but as they say, what does not kill you, makes you stronger! I am strangely hopeful about next year, I have a feeling that my life will change direction. I am starting to be so tired of this mental stress (and I am so fed up with my narcissistic spouse, to tell you the truth..). Human can only take so much. Some decisions have to be made this spring. I hope I will be stronger next year... I will get back soon with more updates! My narcissistic spouse has been again out of town for a while, but now he is back again. Lets see how things will go regarding those matters I described below in my previous entries...
Big hugs for everyone who is reading this! And thanks to all of you SO MUCH for your supportive and encouraging comments, they have really helped me and made me feel better! And for all those who are in similar situation as I am: You are not alone! Lets make year 2009 better than last year!
If you wish to view all my posts simultaneously on one page please click on title "surviving infidelity and cheating in bad relationship" at the top of this page. This way the latest post will be displayed on top of the page and oldest at the bottom.
Sunday, December 21, 2008
Is this cheating?
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This blog is my personal diary of my relationship with a narcissist. I hope my experiences help others who are dealing with similar issues in their relationship, related to narcissistic spouse, physical and emotional cheating, mistrust, insecurity, infidelity and emotional abuse. I will write to this blog on regular basis. Please feel free to comment on any of my writings, I would greatly appreciate all feedback.
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I talked about the things related to this "long lost love" of my narcissistic spouse (see my previous entry) to my very good friend, who I have known since childhood. I told him about the interaction between my narcissistic spouse and this other woman (my friend is a male, but there has never been anything going on between us, he is like my brother, he is happily married and I also like his wife very much :) I just wanted to say this, so that you readers dont think that I have been "confiding" to "another man".about my private matters... with this friend of mine we have always been able to talk about everything, even painful things, and he has been my "wall" and trusted ear, when I have been feeling like I will die because of problems with my man...
I said to my friend, that things that especially made me feel bad were that my narcissistic spouse told this woman who was practically a stranger to him, about our problems (they had not seen for YEARS before narcissist suddenly heard about her whereabouts and wanted to contact her). Narcissist told her that we have been having problems, and that he does not know what is going to happen to our relationship. I think its so wrong that he is talking like that to her. Also, narcissist told her how much in love with her he was before. Narcissist also said he would like to spend time with her, meet her and talk about their past. He also called her with very sweet names.
I asked my friend does this qualify as cheating? My friend said yes, in his opinion it does. I have tried to say to myself that this is not yet cheating, because narcissist has not done any concrete things yet. Of course I know this kind of thing should never happen in a relationship. But, I have been bending my "rules" regarding proper behavior in relationship (from his part) so much, hoping that things will turn better...
But now, after hearing my friends firm comment, I am forced to think that yes, indeed, I have been now cheated on... or have I? I would be so happy if someone who reads this would give comment about this..! Is it cheating, when a man wants to get in touch again with his long lost love, to clarify some past misunderstandings? And if he is saying to her, that our relationship is not going well, that means that he is sharing private information with her? Is this enough to qualify as betrayal? I feel so lost, I dont know what to think and do.... because he hasnt yet had real, physical affair... but it seems to me its only a matter of time, and that all depends of this woman, whether she is willing... all this talk from me means, I guess, that I have zero trust to this man.... and of course that is not a good basis for any relationship...
Please, you who are reading this, could you help be, and give me your comment about what I wrote in this entry and also in previous entry (there is a background for this story)? Have I been cheated already, or is there only a great danger that I will be cheated, based on the behavior of my narcissistic spouse with this woman?
I feel so stupid that I even have to ask these questions... but my mind is not working well right now. I feel so stressed. I have not slept well... so sorry about possible incoherence in this message....
If you wish to view all my posts simultaneously on one page please click on title "surviving infidelity and cheating in bad relationship" at the top of this page. This way the latest post will be displayed on top of the page and oldest at the bottom.
_____________________________
This blog is my personal diary of my relationship with a narcissist. I hope my experiences help others who are dealing with similar issues in their relationship, related to narcissistic spouse, physical and emotional cheating, mistrust, insecurity, infidelity and emotional abuse. I will write to this blog on regular basis. Please feel free to comment on any of my writings, I would greatly appreciate all feedback.
______________________________
I talked about the things related to this "long lost love" of my narcissistic spouse (see my previous entry) to my very good friend, who I have known since childhood. I told him about the interaction between my narcissistic spouse and this other woman (my friend is a male, but there has never been anything going on between us, he is like my brother, he is happily married and I also like his wife very much :) I just wanted to say this, so that you readers dont think that I have been "confiding" to "another man".about my private matters... with this friend of mine we have always been able to talk about everything, even painful things, and he has been my "wall" and trusted ear, when I have been feeling like I will die because of problems with my man...
I said to my friend, that things that especially made me feel bad were that my narcissistic spouse told this woman who was practically a stranger to him, about our problems (they had not seen for YEARS before narcissist suddenly heard about her whereabouts and wanted to contact her). Narcissist told her that we have been having problems, and that he does not know what is going to happen to our relationship. I think its so wrong that he is talking like that to her. Also, narcissist told her how much in love with her he was before. Narcissist also said he would like to spend time with her, meet her and talk about their past. He also called her with very sweet names.
I asked my friend does this qualify as cheating? My friend said yes, in his opinion it does. I have tried to say to myself that this is not yet cheating, because narcissist has not done any concrete things yet. Of course I know this kind of thing should never happen in a relationship. But, I have been bending my "rules" regarding proper behavior in relationship (from his part) so much, hoping that things will turn better...
But now, after hearing my friends firm comment, I am forced to think that yes, indeed, I have been now cheated on... or have I? I would be so happy if someone who reads this would give comment about this..! Is it cheating, when a man wants to get in touch again with his long lost love, to clarify some past misunderstandings? And if he is saying to her, that our relationship is not going well, that means that he is sharing private information with her? Is this enough to qualify as betrayal? I feel so lost, I dont know what to think and do.... because he hasnt yet had real, physical affair... but it seems to me its only a matter of time, and that all depends of this woman, whether she is willing... all this talk from me means, I guess, that I have zero trust to this man.... and of course that is not a good basis for any relationship...
Please, you who are reading this, could you help be, and give me your comment about what I wrote in this entry and also in previous entry (there is a background for this story)? Have I been cheated already, or is there only a great danger that I will be cheated, based on the behavior of my narcissistic spouse with this woman?
I feel so stupid that I even have to ask these questions... but my mind is not working well right now. I feel so stressed. I have not slept well... so sorry about possible incoherence in this message....
If you wish to view all my posts simultaneously on one page please click on title "surviving infidelity and cheating in bad relationship" at the top of this page. This way the latest post will be displayed on top of the page and oldest at the bottom.
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