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This blog is my personal diary of my relationship with a narcissist. I hope my experiences help others who are dealing with similar issues in their relationship, related to narcissistic spouse, physical and emotional cheating, mistrust, insecurity, infidelity and emotional abuse. I will write to this blog on regular basis. Please feel free to comment on any of my writings, I would greatly appreciate all feedback.
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I talked about the things related to this "long lost love" of my narcissistic spouse (see my previous entry) to my very good friend, who I have known since childhood. I told him about the interaction between my narcissistic spouse and this other woman (my friend is a male, but there has never been anything going on between us, he is like my brother, he is happily married and I also like his wife very much :) I just wanted to say this, so that you readers dont think that I have been "confiding" to "another man".about my private matters... with this friend of mine we have always been able to talk about everything, even painful things, and he has been my "wall" and trusted ear, when I have been feeling like I will die because of problems with my man...
I said to my friend, that things that especially made me feel bad were that my narcissistic spouse told this woman who was practically a stranger to him, about our problems (they had not seen for YEARS before narcissist suddenly heard about her whereabouts and wanted to contact her). Narcissist told her that we have been having problems, and that he does not know what is going to happen to our relationship. I think its so wrong that he is talking like that to her. Also, narcissist told her how much in love with her he was before. Narcissist also said he would like to spend time with her, meet her and talk about their past. He also called her with very sweet names.
I asked my friend does this qualify as cheating? My friend said yes, in his opinion it does. I have tried to say to myself that this is not yet cheating, because narcissist has not done any concrete things yet. Of course I know this kind of thing should never happen in a relationship. But, I have been bending my "rules" regarding proper behavior in relationship (from his part) so much, hoping that things will turn better...
But now, after hearing my friends firm comment, I am forced to think that yes, indeed, I have been now cheated on... or have I? I would be so happy if someone who reads this would give comment about this..! Is it cheating, when a man wants to get in touch again with his long lost love, to clarify some past misunderstandings? And if he is saying to her, that our relationship is not going well, that means that he is sharing private information with her? Is this enough to qualify as betrayal? I feel so lost, I dont know what to think and do.... because he hasnt yet had real, physical affair... but it seems to me its only a matter of time, and that all depends of this woman, whether she is willing... all this talk from me means, I guess, that I have zero trust to this man.... and of course that is not a good basis for any relationship...
Please, you who are reading this, could you help be, and give me your comment about what I wrote in this entry and also in previous entry (there is a background for this story)? Have I been cheated already, or is there only a great danger that I will be cheated, based on the behavior of my narcissistic spouse with this woman?
I feel so stupid that I even have to ask these questions... but my mind is not working well right now. I feel so stressed. I have not slept well... so sorry about possible incoherence in this message....
If you wish to view all my posts simultaneously on one page please click on title "surviving infidelity and cheating in bad relationship" at the top of this page. This way the latest post will be displayed on top of the page and oldest at the bottom.
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Only you will know when you have reached the end of the road with this man. Personally I could not put up with this kind of treatment. Whatever his problem is, whether it is narcissistic personality disorder or some other sort of problem I am not qualified to judge, but that is for the professionals to sort out, not you to agonise over. It sounds to me as if you have already put up with enough. If he loves and cares for you he would not be playing mind games and treating you in this fashion. Whether or not he is having a physical relationship with his ex is beside the point. He is cheating emotionally and that is the point. He is also getting some sort of perverse pleasure in telling you all about it, making the ground rules that it would not be acceptable if you were to meet an ex, but it's alright if he does. Ask yourself this question - do you really want to continue to be stressed, upset, manipulated and bullied by a man such as this?
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