Leaving narcissist is for the best...

______________________________

This blog is my personal diary of my relationship with a narcissist. I hope my experiences help others who are dealing with similar issues in their relationship, related to narcissistic spouse, physical and emotional cheating, mistrust, insecurity, infidelity and emotional abuse. I will write to this blog on regular basis. Please feel free to comment on any of my writings, I would greatly appreciate all feedback.
______________________________


Thanks for your comment, anonymous, of course I know you are right... I guess I simply have been trying to avoid the inevitable.... actually I have already started to look for apartment, just little by little... If we were not living together, this would be so much easier. Now I feel that because of break-up, so many changes will happen in my life at the same time, 1) I will lose a person who I have despite everything cared for very much, and I know it takes time before I can really feel happy again 2) I must leave my home. Of course I am not staying in this relationship only so that I would not have to go through trouble of moving, but it is one element which makes the decision harder... because I feel I have invested so much into this relationship (in every way, mentally, financially etc), and it does not feel nice to admit to myself that I have, well, "failed"... But of course I know that those are not right reasons to stay in relationship, if it simply is not working.

I guess these things (when is the right time to leave) always take time to sink in. But yes, I have been reading my own writings and I do realize how bad this situation seems... As I have said earlier, there are also good sides in this person, but I have not been writing about them much, because I have only wanted to process negative feelings to help myself... (and writing here has indeed helped me very much!). Those "good sides" in him have kept me in this relationship this long... if he was a monster 24/7, I would have left much earlier... But because he can be also very pleasant if he wants to, it has made it more difficult for me to leave.

But I do know these sorts of problems that we have should not exist in a relationship. Even tho I can make my pain go away and become indifferent towards him, that kind of state of being is nowhere near true happiness, whatever that is. I feel I have really become indifferent towards narcissist, I feel I no longer care about what he does. I simply dont feel much of anything anymore, even when I think of narcissist possibly cheating on me, it simply does not hurt anymore. I guess it means my feelings towards narcissist have really gone down... as I hoped they would!

By the way, my "strategy" actually did have an effect on narcissist... pretty interesting effect. I will write about it in more detail a bit later!

If you wish to view all my posts simultaneously on one page please click on title "surviving infidelity and cheating in bad relationship" at the top of this page. This way the latest post will be displayed on top of the page and oldest at the bottom.
______________________________