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This blog is my personal diary of my relationship with a narcissist. I hope my experiences help others who are dealing with similar issues in their relationship, related to narcissistic spouse, physical and emotional cheating, mistrust, insecurity, infidelity and emotional abuse. I will write to this blog on regular basis. Please feel free to comment on any of my writings, I would greatly appreciate all feedback.
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I am taking thing one day at the time. But I am standing behind my decision to leave my narcissistic spouse. I am still struggling with different options: should I move out now, should I move out a bit later, should I stay and live in this house even tho we separate (he would not be here so often, that it would be possible to do it that way.. in a way it would be easiest for me, since I could then concentrate on my work without going through the pain of moving... but I dont know if staying here would only make it harder for me to recover. Eventually I would have to move out anyhow, so perhaps the best thing is to do it soon...
As I said, I am only considering staying in this house because narcissist is not going to spend time here almost at all this spring... we originally made plans that I could go to stay with my spouse in those places where he has to work this spring (he is changing location pretty often), but if we are not going to be together, then I might as well live in this house for a while, and organize my things in peace and with time.
I still have not decided exactly what to do, how to do it, and when to do it... but I feel stronger now than last fall. I feel I am ready to start my own life without the dark shadow of my narcissistic spouse looming over me.
If you wish to view all my posts simultaneously on one page please click on title "surviving infidelity and cheating in bad relationship" at the top of this page. This way the latest post will be displayed on top of the page and oldest at the bottom.
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If you are living with a narcissist you have to get out !!! I had one in my life for 20 years and he messed my brain up so totaly that I do not know what a normal relationship is supposed to be like. Dont wait another second !! If there are children involved you are doing them a favor. Narcissist can break down the strongest person. Read the book by Alice Miller, she is writing about narcissist from a medical point of vew. Best regards E
ReplyDeleteWhen you have left him you have yo be hard as a rock. Do not let him win any arguments. If he starts to be nasty just hang up the phone. Do not ever meet with him without a witness present or record him on your cellphone. Narcissists lies all the time about everything and will not confess if you don't have evidence to prove it.
ReplyDeleteIt can actually be quite funny to hear them wiggle their way out of a lie when you have proof of their lying. =). It is importent to understand that you CAN NOT help him in anyway. So just get out and save your self. I hope you have good friends to support you. best regards E
I have to add one more thing. When you have left him. The best thing to do is to cut him of completley. So little contact as possible for so short time as possible. You can ask friends to help you with all nessecery contact. Do what it takes to get him out as soon as possible. I finaly, last summer, got a court order that he cant contact me in anyway.
ReplyDeleteAnd we have a child together. The boy is turning 18 this May and have had a hard time dealing with his father. He took 20 years of my life, i was not functioning normally in any way. It took many years before I knew what was wrong with him, I blamed me. So leave him!!!
best regards E
You stated that you are ready to start your own life without the dark shadow of the N looming over you. I don't know what your living situation is, but if he is supporting you, and if you are sharing a life with him...trust me, the N shadow is looming. N's will often try to continue to control partners even after a break-up...even after you move away. Don't fool yourself that you can continue to live with him and not have him do all he can to control and manipulate you...even hurt you for the sport of it. You need to take responsibility for your happiness. He will cause you additional pain...BECAUSE HE CAN!!!
ReplyDeleteYou need to take responsibility for yourself and take care of yourself.
Almost there