About the friends of narcissist...

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This blog is my personal diary of my relationship with a narcissist. I hope my experiences help others who are dealing with similar issues in their relationship, related to narcissistic spouse, physical and emotional cheating, mistrust, insecurity, infidelity and emotional abuse. I will write to this blog on regular basis. Please feel free to comment on any of my writings, I would greatly appreciate all feedback.
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This is just a short comment/thought of something, that has been troubling me.. I am wondering, is it "typical" for a narcissist (if this man happens to be one) to try to gain even more control over another person (me in this case) by telling me that all his friends also think somehow negatively of me... this is what narcissist has been saying. Narcissist is saying that his friends "see" similar disturbing features in me than he sees, "which drive person crazy". Its strange that none of my friends has complained about these features in me. Narcissist is saying that I "talk too much, and cant let go on one topic, but elaborate with that forever, until person goes crazy etc..".

I have asked about this from my own friends, that am I really very disturbing when I talk a lot, and my friends have said that they have not felt its a problem, on the contrary, we always have lively, interesting conversations. But with my narcissistic spouse, I have not been able to have conversations like that. We cannot really go very deep. Narcissist gets tired easily on one topic, and when he gets tired, he can interrupt me in the middle of the sentence, and say "I dont want to talk about this anymore". Then if I am trying to complete my sentence, or my train of thought, just to come to conclusion about the topic, narcissist gets upset, and says that I cannot stop when he tells me to, that I just carry on... It sounds so crazy even to my own ears, when I write this... but thats the way it has been. I feel that he should have courtesy to let other person finish sentence or train of thought... it does not matter what the topic of conversation is, narcissist can do this interruption unexpectedly.

Anyways, so narcissist says that his friends also (in addition to him) think I am talking and asking questions to the "point where I drive another person crazy". I dont know if those people really have said that or not, but the fact that narcissist is saying it to me makes me sad, of course. As a consequence, I have not wanted to spend time with my narcissistic spouse and his friends. I actually have more friends than my narcissistic spouse has, and somehow my friends seem to like my company, they dont find me to be unpleasant or that I "drive people crazy". This is comforting thought, since I am a person who can get wounded easily by insulting comments.. and my narcissistic spouse saying like that has hurt me.

For a while I was thinking is there really something wrong with me, that perhaps I am such a horrible, disturbing person narcissist claimed I am... but then my friends and relatives were able to convince me that my behavior is not "crazy" or "strange" or "obsessed" or anything like that, which really made me feel better... even tho I know they are my friends and of course they say things in order to make me feel better, I dont think they are lying to me about this matter... If there really was something wrong with me, I mean fundamentally (as narcissist is claiming), I think my friends would have at list hinted to me about it, when I asked about it, I have such a good relationship with them, we can talk about all sorts of things, even unpleasant ones... I believe they would have mentioned if there was some truth in what my narcissistic spouse is claiming. But sometimes I am still doubtful and wonder if there really is something wrong with me... even tho I know I should not think like that!

These are sad topics, I know, but I would be really happy to hear opinions of others: if you have been in a relationship with a narcissistic spouse, have you encountered this kind of behavior (narcissist saying his friends think I am "obsessed" etc negative things), and have you actually started to doubt yourself because of it? Were you able to overcome those doubts eventually? I just wish this does not permanently damage my self-esteem, I have noticed over the years that my self-esteem is not the best in the world... I am trying to tell myself that I am ok, that we all have our flaws, nobody is perfect, I may talk a lot and even elaborate on things, but that does not make me "crazy" or abnormal or bad person. I keep telling myself this, when these unpleasant memories of the comments of narcissist come to my mind.

About my present situation, I am feeling stronger than ever that leaving is the right thing to do. Thank you so much for your comments, they have helped me to see things more clearly! I have already started to arrange my things with aim to have a pleasant life from now on. I will tell you about it a bit later!

If you wish to view all my posts simultaneously on one page please click on title "surviving infidelity and cheating in bad relationship" at the top of this page. This way the latest post will be displayed on top of the page and oldest at the bottom.
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