After argument with narcissistic spouse

When I said earlier that my narcissistic spouse hit me, I feel I must explain that situation a bit. We had had a big argument couple days before that happened and due to that, I had been a bit quiet and working late during those days. I suspect narcissist had been thinking in his head that I am playing with an idea of leaving him... which I of course had been doing, but I had not spoken to narcissist about my thoughts. In addition to this, narcissist had been having all sorts of trouble at his work, which had also caused narcissist stress. So in a way these things may explain partially why narcissist got o upset so easily, over nothing at all... but of course these things dont justify his bad behavior.

Anyhow, when my narcissistic spouse hit me, it wasnt a hit to the face or anything like that, but narcissist hit me to my back from behind when we were walking on the street. It didnt really hurt me, he didnt hit so hard, I dont know if it was because my narcissistic spouse is not really very strong person physically, or because he did not really mean to hurt me badly, it was just a reaction (but still, a reaction like that should never take place between two human beings!)... I feel narcissist was so overwhelmed by his anger that it came out like that, in a burst. But when it happened, I felt very bad... because I had told myself that if ever a man hits me, its over, immediately.

After hitting me, narcissist left in anger, and I went the other way. As I was walking back towards home, I felt adrenaline rush through my veins. I felt alive, energetic, sad that things ended like that, but very certain that this was the end, because narcissist had hit me to my back, from behind, like a coward, and in public place, so that everyone could see it... and people did see it, they were looking in amazement. I felt very embarrassed because of his behavior.

After this mad behavior, narcissist disappeared for 24 hours. He did not contact me (we live in same apartment) or send a note or anything at all to let me know where he was or that he was not going to come home that night. Next day narcissist called on afternoon. He was calm, but said he did not want to see me. I agreed. Then after a while narcissist nevertheless called me again and we decided to meet.

Narcissist was calm and friendly, and we were able to communicate. Here I must emphasize that my narcissistic spouse had never been violent before, perhaps for that reason I felt comfortable enough to meet him and talk to him. I understand that many of you find it very strange that a woman can agree to meet a man after being treated like that. But when one is in love, the actions are not always "smart" or "sane"... So, we went to eat pizza together and as I said narcissist was friendly, but I had surrealistic feeling, I felt something has been changed, and could not be changed back, ever. I felt very sad. We were smiling and behaving normally, but it was just a show, not real warmth. I felt very sad.

I will continue this story soon, more things happened after that which really made me think...

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